Inevitably, it has taken us years to reach the point where we are ready to begin our journey to forgive. That is a great distance to travel and like all great distances cannot be traveled in one headlong sprint. The journey to free yourself from anger, hate, revenge, bitterness, guilt, grudges, and hopelessness covers a lot of ground. You won’t shed unforgiveness overnight; it has taken years to creep into your psyche and spirit. Being able to rid the unforgiveness can only be done one step at a time. Realize that this journey, like all others, is valuable not only for reaching the end but for the joy and beauty found along the way. So in recognizing this, begin your journey with an open hear. When you do, you will be open to hear the voice of God speak to you. The healing process begins here because you put yourself in a vulnerable position with Him.
It took me forty years to forgive the molestation by my adopted father, a well-known minister in my hometown. When I decided it was time to release my shackles and forgive, he had passed away. It became easier for me to turn away from my need to forgive. After all, there was no one to approach to give forgiveness to. But, no matter how hard I tried to turn away, no matter how hard I tried to forget, I could not. My memory, my self-hate, my self-blame, and my hurt showed itself in a thousand different ways–in my sense of shame, in my self-destructive thoughts, and in my behavior.
Forty years! That was too long to hold onto unforgiveness. Two reasons it took so long. I was always told to, “Forgive, forget, and move on with your life.” But those were only words. I also felt at the age of eight that I was to blame for the molestation. It’s not a simple task to forgive. Mine was deep so there was no way I could simply dismiss what had happened. In the process of healing, I found the sooner we can forgive, the healthier. The less time for the hurt, blame, and guilt to fester, the less healing required.
Finally, no matter how old the injury, it must be forgiven. And, like any journey, forgiveness can only be accomplished one step at a time.
The journey of forgiveness continues in the next Blog with Step 2.